Quora Answers: The Violent Narcissist



Do Narcissists Become Physically Abusive Over Time?



It’s quite common for a narcissist to be physically abusive. While not all narcissists escalate beyond intimidation, those that do need to be taken very seriously.

According to Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC, author of the bestselling book “The Exhausted Woman’s Handbook,” a narcissistic physical abuser will not change. No matter what they say.

Once there is physical abuse, it will always escalate until it reaches a point of extreme injury or death for the narcissist’s spouse.

There are five types of physical abuse narcissists use on spouses.

They are:

1.) Intimidation

2.) Isolation

3.) Restraint

4.) Aggression

5.) Endangerment


With intimidation, the narcissist employs various scare tactics such as bullying and threatening his spouse. By standing over his victim or getting in her face and refusing to back off, he is attempting to frighten her into submission.

The narcissist will also punch walls and doors in order to let her know that he is fully capable of physically harming her.

To victims, these threats are as real as if they had happened.

By using isolation techniques, the narcissist limits his spouse’s ability to escape in dangerous situations.

He may have her trapped in a car as he drives recklessly enough to be putting both their lives in jeopardy. He may expose her to bad weather or environmental conditions with no way to escape.

If someone becomes ill or gets injured, the narcissist will delay seeking medical treatment. All of these things are designed to make the spouse rely completely on the abuser.

With restraint, a narcissist may confine his spouse by blocking the doorway to prevent her from leaving. He may grab her forcefully, tie her up, or lock her in a room without a key in order to cause a feeling of entrapment or imprisonment without escape.

At this point, the isolation and restraint become a promise of additional physical aggression. When these things begin to happen, the next two things are not far behind.

Aggression is any physical act which results in pain, discomfort, or injury.
This includes:

  • Hitting
  • Kicking
  • Punching
  • Arm Twisting
  • Pushing
  • Hair Pulling
  • Dragging
  • Beating
  • Shoving
  • Biting
  • Pinching

  • Striking With Objects
  • Biting
  • Choking
  • Stabbing
  • Burning
  • Shaking
  • Cutting
  • Slapping
  • Force-feeding, including drugs
  • Strangling

Because the narcissist will always blame his spouse for his violent behavior, he will not stop using force once it’s started. He’ll merely find more ways to justify his brutality.

Endangerment is extremely dangerous for the narcissist’s spouse. At this point the intimidation and isolation have become so commonplace that she has become numb to their effects.

When a narcissist realizes that he no longer commands the same level of fear, he will escalate the attacks. The narcissistic abuser will begin to verbally threaten the lives of the spouse, other family members, and even themselves.

Lives are in jeopardy now.

Because the narcissist will have no moral issues stopping him from taking the life of his spouse or whoever is in the vicinity at the time.


Originally Answered On Quora.

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