How Do You Deal With Your Anger And Rage At Your Narcissist Ex For All The Destruction And Heartache He Caused. (1-Year Post Separation & No Contact)?
With as many creative, and ever-evolving, coping mechanisms as my frustrated brain can come up with.
What works splendidly one day may not do shit the next time I need it.
There’s really no way to know in advance what will bring me comfort.
And what will just piss me off even more.
Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse is a fickle process.
Half the time that I find myself in a pit of despair, I don’t have a clue what caused my sudden descent into hopelessness.
Not knowing the source of my misery prevents me from knowing how to process my emotions.
Or even what emotions need processing.
If you had asked me this question a month ago, my answer would’ve been different.
Because a month ago, I thought I had this shit figured out.
I took pride in offering advice to other survivors.
I had learned so much and come so far from the lost and broken person I had been.
I was proud of my newfound inner strength.
My life was good. And I was content to just be me.
But oh, how far the mighty fall.
In the blink of an eye, and without any warning whatsoever, I reverted back to the broken, scared shell of my previous self.
All the months of hard work to build up my self-respect, and all the strides I had made to become a survivor instead of victim, disappeared in an instant.
I found myself broken again.
For no apparent reason.
And I was powerless to do anything about it.
It was exactly like the first couple of weeks after going No Contact.
Like when I went through withdrawal from the trauma bonds.
And when I felt paralyzed by the C-PTSD.
The confusion, the doubts, the fears that I thought I’d overcome, jumped up and bit me in the ass.
I’d managed to survive it all before.
But I didn’t think I could do it again.
I didn’t want to do it again.
For almost two weeks, I couldn’t find the strength or desire to even consider trying.
So I dropped out of living for a while.
I did nothing but wallow in self-pity.
And wonder how I had ended up back in hell.
Finally the fog began to lift a bit.
And I could once again form rational thoughts.
Once I was able to think clearly, I tried to self-reflect.
But I honestly couldn’t figure out what had happened to cause the breakdown.
So I started reading all of my own Quora answers, blog posts, and journals.
It was like someone else had written them. And I was reading it all for the first time.
I re-educated myself on manipulation techniques used by narcissists.
And things started to click until the “aha” moments became overwhelming.
I had almost done it again.
Almost fallen into a narcissist’s trap. Again.
I had been ignoring the warning signs, despite knowing better.
My gut had been trying to tell my heart what my head already knew.
My dad is a Covert Narcissist.
And he’d been actively trying to suck me back into the chaos and drama he always provides.
With acceptance came anger.
My new rage mixed with the old rage.
And I felt like I would explode.
I knew I needed to allow myself to feel the pain in order to exorcise that particular demon.
Only then would I be able to move on.
I did a good bit of crying for a day or so.
Then, just as suddenly as the darkness had come over me, it evaporated.
With that episode behind me, I can see that I still have a lot of healing left to do.
But I find comfort in the realization that I can protect myself now.
Because knowledge really is power.
#serenaprince375 #saudiprince #bestpartner4ever❤️
Originally Answered On Quora.
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