Why Do Narcissists Ignore Orders of Protection?
Narcissists ignore restraining orders because they think normal rules of society don’t apply to them. They consider themselves superior to the rest of us mortals, and far above those pesky state and federal laws.
My Malignant Narcissist ex-husband only obeyed laws if they didn’t inconvenience him. He followed a few, occasionally. But others, like restraining orders, he ignored outright.
The first time he was ordered to stay away, I was naive enough to think he’d actually comply. Within two days, he proved me wrong, waltzing through the door like nothing happened.
“Did you really think a piece of paper would keep me away? I own you, sweetheart, and no damn judge is going to tell me I can’t be with my wife,” he said.
I should’ve called the police right then, but I didn’t. I was brainwashed by my Narcissist husband, and in complete denial. His sweet, charming demeanor convinced me that it hadn’t been that bad. The gun he shoved in my mouth wasn’t even loaded.
I told myself it was my fault too, for provoking him. And when the court date came around, I was a no-show, thereby voiding the restraining order.
A study in the Journal of Social Science and Medicine found that most victims of domestic violence drop restraining orders because abusers appeal to their sympathy.
I may not have appeared in court that day, but I still sent a message to the judge and prosecutor. I inadvertently told them not to take me seriously the next time.
The narcissist got a slightly different message. He saw my choice not to go to court as giving him consent to abuse me. That decision later underwent a radical transformation.
According to him, the whole thing was one big lie on my part. For whatever reason, I made up the whole story. And if I did it again, I’d be the one going to jail.
It’s not logical to me now, but back then, his intimidating tactics worked. We both knew I’d told the truth. Yet, I was scared of facing charges for filing a false report if I went to the police again.
So, I didn’t. Not for several years, anyway, and it took a major injury to my child and myself to do it then.
Protective orders don’t keep you safe if a Narcissist is determined to abuse you.
Warrents were issued for his arrest, and a judge granted an order of protection. Mostly, I asked for it to cover my ass. The Narcissist chose not to go to jail, instead becoming a fugitive. Colton and I went into hiding, praying the cops would find him before he found us.
I knew the narcissist would find me. And when that happened, there was a good chance one of us would end up dead. If I survived, then the piece of paper he’d once ridiculed would protect me from going to jail.
Four months later, he found us. Not because he loved me, and definitely not because he felt any remorse. No, he planned to convince me to reconcile and drop the charges. Then he’d get retribution.
I’d decided that my days of being his punching bag were over. Colton and I had a safety plan in place, and fortunately, it worked. The narcissist who’d abused me for years finally went to jail.
Protective orders aren’t a deterrent to a determined Narcissist. Still, they’re necessary. My advice to anyone in a similar situation, is to get a restraining order, but have a detailed safety plan in place.
Don’t take a chance that your abuser won’t hurt you, especially if you’re dealing with a Narcissist. Because they’ll look you in the eye and smile while they cut your heart out. And as you lay dying, they’ll tell you it’s all your fault.
