Malignant Narcissist
Malignant Narcissist

Narcissists Ignore Restraining Orders But You Better Have One

Why Do Narcissists Ignore Orders of Protection?

Narcissists ignore restraining orders because they think normal rules of society don’t apply to them. They consider themselves superior to the rest of us mortals, and far above those pesky state and federal laws.

My Malignant Narcissist ex-husband only obeyed laws if they didn’t inconvenience him. He followed a few, occasionally. But others, like restraining orders, he ignored outright.

The first time he was ordered to stay away, I was naive enough to think he’d actually comply. Within two days, he proved me wrong, waltzing through the door like nothing happened.

“Did you really think a piece of paper would keep me away? I own you, sweetheart, and no damn judge is going to tell me I can’t be with my wife,” he said.

I should’ve called the police right then, but I didn’t. I was brainwashed by my Narcissist husband, and in complete denial. His sweet, charming demeanor convinced me that it hadn’t been that bad. The gun he shoved in my mouth wasn’t even loaded.

I told myself it was my fault too, for provoking him. And when the court date came around, I was a no-show, thereby voiding the restraining order.

alt = Narcissists and other perpetrators of domestic violence use emotional appeals to get victims to drop restraining orders. Instead of using threats, they gain the victim’s sympathy by pleading to their empathetic natures.

A study in the Journal of Social Science and Medicine found that most victims of domestic violence drop restraining orders because abusers appeal to their sympathy.

I may not have appeared in court that day, but I still sent a message to the judge and prosecutor. I inadvertently told them not to take me seriously the next time.

The narcissist got a slightly different message. He saw my choice not to go to court as giving him consent to abuse me. That decision later underwent a radical transformation.

According to him, the whole thing was one big lie on my part. For whatever reason, I made up the whole story. And if I did it again, I’d be the one going to jail.

It’s not logical to me now, but back then, his intimidating tactics worked. We both knew I’d told the truth. Yet, I was scared of facing charges for filing a false report if I went to the police again.

So, I didn’t. Not for several years, anyway, and it took a major injury to my child and myself to do it then.

Protective orders don’t keep you safe if a Narcissist is determined to abuse you.

Warrents were issued for his arrest, and a judge granted an order of protection. Mostly, I asked for it to cover my ass. The Narcissist chose not to go to jail, instead becoming a fugitive. Colton and I went into hiding, praying the cops would find him before he found us.

I knew the narcissist would find me. And when that happened, there was a good chance one of us would end up dead. If I survived, then the piece of paper he’d once ridiculed would protect me from going to jail.

Four months later, he found us. Not because he loved me, and definitely not because he felt any remorse. No, he planned to convince me to reconcile and drop the charges. Then he’d get retribution.

I’d decided that my days of being his punching bag were over. Colton and I had a safety plan in place, and fortunately, it worked. The narcissist who’d abused me for years finally went to jail.

Protective orders aren’t a deterrent to a determined Narcissist. Still, they’re necessary. My advice to anyone in a similar situation, is to get a restraining order, but have a detailed safety plan in place.

Don’t take a chance that your abuser won’t hurt you, especially if you’re dealing with a Narcissist. Because they’ll look you in the eye and smile while they cut your heart out. And as you lay dying, they’ll tell you it’s all your fault.

Read my answers to questions about Narcissists on Quora.


I Know How Murder Victims Feel Before They Die

I can still hear the excitement in my husband’s voice, telling me his plans for that day. His gun was holstered on his hip, and he was holding a large machete, hand-crafted for me. Or more specifically, for my death.

“Are you listening to me, bitch? I’m going to kill you today. But I’m not doing it here. You know that field by the lake in Mer Rouge? I’m taking you there, and I’m going to blow your pretty little head off. Then I’m going to cut your body up and feed you to the fish.”

I was on the floor, hands tied behind my back, dazed from a blow to the head. His fist came out of nowhere, knocking me out cold. Before that, we were getting along fine, and I was struggling to comprehend what was happening.

“Let’s go. I’ve waited a long time for this,” he said, as he snatched me up by the hair. He dragged me through the house, kicking and screaming. Without the use of my arms, I knew I didn’t stand a chance, but I wasn’t about to make it any easier for him.

Once he got me outside, he forced me into the back seat of my SUV. Then he smashed his fist into my head, and once again, rendered me unconscious.

A Nightmare That Won’t Wake

“Wake up and listen to me, Serena.This truck is mine now, since you’re about to be dead, so I really don’t want to shoot you in here. But I will, if you try to do something stupid.

You better think about Colton. Remember, I’ll be the one taking him to school from now on.You don’t want him seeing your blood and brains splattered everywhere, do you? So just stay still and be a good girl. Now is probably a good time to start saying your prayers.”

Never in my life had I been so afraid. My teeth chattered, and my body trembled uncontrollably. Paralyzed by fear, I took his advice and began to pray.

“Hey Serena, do you remember those big turtles I showed you, last time we were at the lake? I’m feeding most of you to them. Won’t be anything left, either. Cause if the turtles miss anything, the fish’ll get it.

Do you know what I mean? The turtles and fish are gonna eat you, and I’m gonna eat them. It’s like I’m eating you myself. What do you think about that? It’s funny, isn’t it?”

He said these things as if we were having a casual conversation. His jovial tone made the words even more chilling, and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.

I was devastated for my son, Colton. He’s autistic, and very dependent on me. My death would be so hard for him. And I thought about my daughter, Savannah, who died at birth. At least I was finally going to meet her. It was ironic that I had to die to get away from the devil.

“Are you scared? You should be. I know I told you to pray, but it won’t do any good. God’s not listening to you. He already knows you’re going straight to hell. When you get there, tell your momma I said hi.”

That day still haunts me sometimes. What saved my life was his desire not to go to jail for kidnapping and murder. Driving to the lake, he remembered the security cameras I’d gotten installed.

It had briefly crossed my mind, but I assumed he turned them off before throwing the first punch.Thank God, I was wrong.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.