Narcissistic Relationships

My husband has all the signs of being a Narcissist, but is caring to our son. Could it be something else? What kind of therapist should we go to?

Originally Answered On Quora.

If your husband is a Narcissist, your son is probably the golden child. I’m basing my answer on that being the case.

Growing up, my oldest son was the golden child of my first husband, a Covert Narcissist. Tyler was blessed with both physical beauty and intelligence. His father saw this as his crowning achievement, and bragged, unashamedly, about his amazing child.

The narc put Tyler on a pedestal, showered him with gifts, and refused to discipline him.
If I tried to correct our son, his father became enraged, and belittled me in front of the child. (We divorced before Tyler was four.)

Golden children are held to unreasonable standards, and Tyler fell short of perfection. By the time he was ten, the narc verbally abused him regularly. He’s an adult now, and unfortunately, a Narcissist himself.

As far as therapy, I don’t recommend going with a Narcissist. They turn everything around on you and triangulate you and the counselor. Instead, go for individual counseling with someone who specializes in treating Narcissistic Abuse.

If you’re still not sure if your husband is a Narcissist, the following list should help you decide. Keep in mind that no Narcissist has all these traits, and the list is not scientific. It’s what I’ve observed over the years in my own relationships with Narcissists.

32 Warning Signs You’re In A Relationship With A Narcissist

*Please Note: The use of masculine pronouns is for the sake of simplicity. Narcissists can be male or female.

1. You fell in love quickly and were soon together almost constantly.
2. At the beginning of the relationship, you had the same interests, likes, and dislikes. You believed him to be your soulmate.
3. As time passed, the things you had in common changed dramatically. He no longer liked the same music, movies, etc.
4. His ex is a crazy, jealous stalker who is still in love with him.
5. He whines and complains about trivial things.
6. He’s rude to waitstaff and people he deems to have no value.
7. He’s extremely self-centered and only wants to talk about himself.
8. He manages to find fault with everybody and calls people vile names.
9. He completely lacks empathy.
10. Because he doesn’t approve of your friends and family, you rarely see them anymore.
11. He’s never wrong about anything and thinks he’s smarter than everyone else.
12. He refuses to take responsibility for his actions and never apologizes for anything.
13. His stories don’t add up, to the point of being ludicrous.
14. He may claim to have skills and talents beyond human capability.
15. When he smiles, it doesn’t reach his eyes.
16. He makes a lot of promises but rarely, if ever, keeps them.
17. His actions and words don’t match. He says he loves you, but he treats you like a nuisance or afterthought.
18. He often disappears for days at a time for no apparent reason. When he returns, he offers no explanation for his whereabouts.
19. When he’s with his friends he seems to always lose his phone, forget it somewhere, or have a dead battery.
20. He becomes enraged if you point out discrepancies in his stories and accuses you of twisting his words.
21. He is extremely hypocritical.
22. He gossips about his friends, family, and acquaintances in a backstabbing manner
23. He accuses you of horrible, immoral behaviors and actions.
24. He acts loving and caring one minute but instantly turns on you.
25. He thinks household chores are beneath him and expects you to clean up after him.
26. You can never get him to resolve issues. You politely explain your position but he turns the conversation into a recap of your faults and mistakes.
27. He’s cruel to animals and children, including his own.
28. He doesn’t respect your privacy and feels entitled to your valuables and possessions.
29. He tells the same old stories repeatedly and expects you to listen intently every time.
30. He abuses drugs and/or alcohol, but accuses you of being an alcoholic and/or junkie.
31. He can’t stand to be alone and wants to be surrounded by people who stroke his ego.
32. He deliberately puts you in situations that provoke jealousy and insecurity.