The first Narcissist that I married blind-sided me with his incredible good looks, boyish charm, and the fact that he seemed to adore me as much as I did him. I know now that he was a Covert Narcissist, but at the time I thought he was the love of my life.
Everything about him was what I had always wanted in a man, and the relationship progressed very quickly. Within 6 weeks of knowing each other, we moved in together. Five months after that, we were married.
And that’s when he became decidedly less charming. Unlike the Malignant Narcissist I married later, this narc hubby had a good job and made good money, although he was not good at saving any of it.
Shortly after saying “I do” he no longer talked to me on a regular basis. He ghosted me more often than not, and I was completely baffled by the sudden change in him.
During the times he saw fit to carry on a conversation with me, he let me know that I needed to produce a child for him. That was easier said than done. I had trouble conceiving and ended up taking fertility drugs to get pregnant.
Looking back, there were a few times during the pregnancy that almost seemed like we had a normal relationship. Mostly though, it was not a harmonious household that I was about to bring a child into.
The baby was due Christmas Day of 1995. On Christmas Eve, I began to have labor pains. The narc was working so I was at my parents’ house. They rushed me to the hospital, but there were some major complications.
I had a stroke due to extremely high blood pressure as a result of gestational diabetes, and was taken into surgery for an emergency C-Section. At 8:50 p.m., my first child was born—a beautiful, healthy baby boy.
After my son and I were released from the hospital, things between the narc and me went from bad to worse. When my baby was less than two months old, I moved out of the marital home, taking my baby with me.
It didn’t take long for the narc to execute a rather impressive hoover attempt, and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
The reconciliation wasn’t what I had hoped for. Far from it. Eventually, we split up again and divorced after a little less than 5 years of marriage.
The second Narc was the polar opposite of the first one. He was charming too, but in a much different way.
We were just friends and neighbors for several months before the thought ever occurred to me to see him in a romantic light. He was a cool friend, but not the type of guy I had ever dated.
I didn’t know, of course, that he was pretending to be a cool guy, and was simply biding his time for when he would strike. Long story short, he charmed me and I fell in love with him.
He maintained the facade for several years, but when his mask began to slip, my life became a nightmare. Once again, I found myself with a husband who had become decidedly less charming.
So yes, narcissists can be super charming and convincing at first. So much that I married two of them!!