Narcissists ignore restraining orders because they think normal rules of society don’t apply to them. They consider themselves superior to the rest of us mortals, and far above those pesky state and federal laws.
My Malignant Narcissist ex-husband only obeyed laws if they didn’t inconvenience him. He followed a few, occasionally. But others, like restraining orders, he ignored outright.
I was naive when I got the first restraining order against him, thinking he’d actually comply. Within two days, he proved me wrong, waltzing through the door like nothing happened.
“Did you really think a piece of paper would keep me away? I own you, sweetheart, and no damn judge is going to tell me I can’t be with my wife,” he said.
I should’ve called the police right then, but I didn’t. I was brainwashed by my Narcissist husband, and in complete denial. His sweet, charming demeanor convinced me that it hadn’t been that bad. And even if the gun he shoved in my mouth did chip my front tooth, it wasn’t loaded.
I told myself it was my fault too, for provoking him. So when the court date came around, I was a no-show, thereby voiding the restraining order.
I didn’t appear in court that day, but I still sent a message to the judge and prosecutor. I inadvertently told them not to take me seriously the next time I asked for a restraining order.
The narcissist got a slightly different message. He saw my choice not to go to court as consenting to his abuse. That decision later underwent a radical transformation.
According to him, I didn’t pursue the restraining order because I lied about the entire incident. For whatever reason, I just made up the whole story. And if I did it again, I’d be the one going to jail.
It’s not logical to me now, but his manipulative tactics worked at the time. We both knew I’d told the truth. Yet, I was scared of facing charges for filing a false report if I went to the police again. So, I didn’t. Not for several years, anyway, and it took a major injury to my child and myself to do it then.
Restraining orders won’t keep you safe from a determined Narcissist.
Warrants were issued for his arrest, and a judge granted an order of protection. Mostly, I asked for it to cover my ass.The narc chose not to go to jail, instead becoming a fugitive. Colton and I went into hiding, praying the cops would find him before he found us.
I knew he would find me. And when that happened, there was a good chance one of us would end up dead. If I survived, then the piece of paper he’d once ridiculed would protect me from going to jail.
Four months later, he found us. Not because he loved me, and definitely not because he felt any remorse. No, he planned to convince me to reconcile and drop the charges. Then he’d get retribution.
I’d decided that my days of being his punching bag were over. Colton and I had a safety plan in place, and fortunately, it worked. The narcissist who’d abused me for years finally went to jail.
Protective orders aren’t a deterrent to a determined Narcissist. Still, they’re necessary. My advice to anyone in a similar situation, is to get a restraining order, but have a detailed safety plan in place.
Don’t take a chance that your abuser won’t hurt you, especially if you’re dealing with a Narcissist. Because they’ll look you in the eye and smile while they cut your heart out. And as you lay dying, they’ll tell you it’s all your fault.
Read my answers to questions about Narcissists on Quora.