The reason Narcissists ignore restraining orders is pretty simple. They think they’re superior to us mortals, so normal rules of society don’t apply to them. This generally includes those pesky state and federal laws, as well.
My Malignant Narcissist ex-husband was granted exemption powers by his fairy godmother. He could pick and choose the laws and statutes he felt like obeying. He could even follow the rules part-time. Or not.
If Narcissists Ignore Restraining Orders, Why Do You Need One?
Were you stupid enough to think a piece of paper was going to keep me away? You’re my wife.
Did you forget I own you?MALIGNANT NARCISSIST
I’m your daddy.
Bitch, I’m your god.
I tell you what to do.
I control you.
That’s what he said when he violated the first restraining order. Actually, he said that pretty regularly. He believed it too. And when he hit me? That was my own fault for making him. I did that shit to myself.
He told our autistic son that he had to hit me sometimes. Otherwise, I would really act stupid.
Apparently, I acted stupid a lot.
Malignant Narcissists Are Sadistic
The worst of my punishment varied, but the foreplay was pretty consistent. He usually started by spitting in my face or punching me in the head. Sometimes he poured hot coffee on me.
Other times, it was ice water, tea, or soda. A few times, he dumped Wendy’s chili on my head while I was driving.
The foreplay excited him, but the violence pushed him over the edge. Malignant Narcissists are extremely cruel and very sadistic. He got off on my pain, and his appetite for torture was insatiable.
My infractions varied too. They ranged from breathing to nothing at all. Did I mention that he was exempt from needing a reason to torment me?
I didn’t have to do anything wrong. Sometimes he just felt like it.
Like when he cracked my skull. My house must’ve acted stupid, too, because were both punished, as was my son.
The child’s mistake was trying to protect his mother. He wasn’t quite twelve, but his father rewarded him by slamming a heavy speaker onto his foot. It crushed his big toe, causing an injury that eventually required three separate surgeries.
The Aftermath Of Narcissistic Rage
My loving husband didn’t stick around to make sure we were okay. He wasn’t worried about our injuries. His only concern was staying out of jail. Needless to say, he left town in a hurry.
I vaguely remember the days that followed. I had a concussion and couldn’t think straight. I do recall wondering if I had permanent brain damage. And I distinctly remember my grotesquely swollen and misshapen head.
Both eyes and most of my face were a hideous mixture of colors, ranging from black and blue to green and gray. When Colton saw me the next morning, he screamed like a banshee.
He would’ve run from the room had he been able. His toe was also swollen and horribly bruised. The injury was worse than I thought, and would cause him considerable pain for the next two years.
I pressed charges and warrants were issued. But the Narc was nowhere to be found. He stayed on the run for months, hiding in plain sight. The police might’ve been unable to locate him, but I knew he’d find me.
I asked for, and received, a protective order. As soon as court recessed, Colton and I went into hiding.
I knew a protective order would never be a deterrent for the Narc. Hell, he violated all the others. I didn’t expect that time to be any different.
Mostly, I asked for it to cover my own ass. He would find me, and there was a good chance one of us would end up dead. If it wasn’t me, then that piece of paper would keep me out of jail.
Protective Orders Won’t Stop A Determined Narcissist
Four months later, he found us. His determination wasn’t because he loved me. And he definitely wasn’t sorry. He was going to convince me to reconcile and drop the charges. Then he was going to make me pay for my betrayal. Pressing charges was a crime worthy of the death penalty.
He showed up at two a.m. He had evil in his eyes and payback on his mind. It happened like that every time he violated a protective order.
I was diligent about safety, but the Narc could get past any lock. A gated community wasn’t even a challenge. I never heard him, either. When I saw him, I screamed bloody murder. He laughed wickedly, forced me to my room, and the punishment began.
Colton and I had a safety plan, but we never felt safe. Plus, it was untested. I didn’t know if he was awake, much less if he was following our plan. Fortunately, he was.
He walked over five hundred yards with a crushed toe to get help. He didn’t even know if I’d be alive when he got back. How difficult it must’ve been for a twelve-year-old with Asperger’s Syndrome.
Quora Answers: Autism Spectrum Disorder
Protective orders aren’t a deterrent to a determined abuser. Still, they’re necessary. My advice is to get the restraining order, but have a detailed safety plan. If the narcissist shows up, call the police immediately. Don’t take a chance that he won’t hurt you.
Because he will look you in the eye while he’s cutting your heart out. Then he’ll tell you it’s your own fault. You brought it on yourself.