Quora Answers: How Important Is No Contact With A Narcissist?
Is Your Narcissist Still Seeking Your Supply Or Causing You Problems? Was No Contact Effective In Your Situation?
When I finally escaped from my 18-year marriage to a Malignant Narcissist, there was one strategy written in stone.
I was to have absolutely no contact or communication with him, period.
First and foremost, I had to consider the safety of my son and myself. My husband was horribly abusive in every possible way. I was under no illusions about his propensity for causing physical injury.
I also knew that I was an emotional wreck at the time, as was my son. And that our emotions would be very raw for a while. I knew that I would have weak moments, and be tempted to call my husband.
I knew that my mind would play tricks on me and try to convince me that things hadn’t been that bad. I knew these things because I’d been there before.
I failed to maintain No Contact more than once. And each failure had resulted in the Narc’s escalation of abuse.
I tried many times to flee the marriage over the years. I even managed to maintain No Contact for eleven months before.
I had pressed charges against him, so he was required to wear a GPS device to monitor his whereabouts during that time.
I was almost home-free.
Or so I had believed. And should have been . . .
But I fucked up.
To say getting that far had been difficult is an understatement. It was damn-near impossible at times. And I threw it all away in a moment of weakness.
I called him. Don’t ask me why. Because I don’t know. It was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. And it almost cost my life.
The mistake?
Besides calling him in the first place? I believed him when he said he was a changed man. And that he’d learned his lesson.
We reconciled, and things were good for a couple of weeks. Just enough time for me to feel a false sense of security. That illusion was shattered in an instant.
One day, completely out of nowhere, a blow to my head sent me reeling.
The mask was off again. And he made no effort to put it back on. What followed was my indoctrination into a new level of hell.
One that I hadn’t known existed. I thought I’d already seen the worst from him.
I was wrong. He was sadistic and cruel, with unique methods of torture.
Finally, after several miserable months, my son and I were able to escape. With nothing but the clothes on our backs.
Our first stop was the police station to press charges against my husband. And to seek an Order of Protection.
Arrest warrants were issued, and I was granted a protective order. Still, he evaded law enforcement for months.
My son and I moved from hotel to hotel, trying to keep our whereabouts unknown. Four months later, we thought it was safe to get a more permanent place. We moved into an apartment in a gated community, and prepared to start over.
Although I had maintained No Contact, and told nobody our whereabouts, my husband eventually found us. Fortunately, my son and I had a safety plan.
While my husband was focused on getting revenge on me, our son was able to get help. The calvary arrived in the form of deputies, and the narc was taken into custody.
I used to think the only purpose of No Contact was for safety reasons. But I learned it’s beneficial in other ways too. Without it, my son and I had no chance of severing the trauma bond we had with the Narc.
By maintaining No Contact, we slowly began to heal. To my way of thinking, that definitely qualifies as a success.
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