The reason a narcissist constantly talks about their exes is because they are choreographing your present and future behavior.
A narcissist conditions his sources in various ways by using his or her ex as an
example of what not to do.
They use indirect persuasion by seeming to flatter their target with words like:
“My ex used to get so jealous of my guy friends. I’m so glad you aren’t like that.”
“My ex didn’t like for me to go anywhere with my friends, not even hunting. But you know how much hunting means to me, and you don’t mind if I go. In fact, you encourage me to go! You’re the best!!’
“My ex got fat after we got married. She just let herself go, and didn’t care about trying to impress me anymore. But you’re so slim and fit!! I absolutely love your body. I never get tired of it.”
These are just a few examples of what is easily mistaken as flattery. Remember, at the beginning of the relationship you weren’t suspicious of this person. You had no reason to suspect a hidden motive.
Far from being flattery, these are actually commands. Ways to make you conform to their idea of an ideal partner.
Because you will now try to meet these demands. You’ll go to great lengths not to show that you’re hurt when he disappears for 3 days, “hunting” with his friends.
Or you don’t complain when she goes to lunch with her guy friends every day.
And you constantly stay on a diet and work out every day to maintain your figure.
You do these things because you don’t want to be like the ex. You weren’t aware of the subtle way the narcissist threatened to leave you if you became like the ex.
But your subconscious picked it up.
So you make herculean efforts to be sure the narcissist doesn’t leave you too. And you act the way you were conditioned by the narc to act.
Originally Answered By Serena Prince On Quora.
To Read All My Answers On Quora: https://quora.com/profile/Serena-Prince-2.