After narcissists discard a victim, they frequently return, professing their love. It’s called hoovering, and it’s all about control. They want to suck you back into the cycle of abuse and prove they still have power over you.
Most people don’t know their partner is a narcissist the first time they’re discarded. They know something isn’t right about the relationship, but they’re willing to overlook almost anything. Desperate to end the pain, they forget how badly they were treated and pray for another chance.
Then one day, their prayers are answered. The narcissist calls, professing his love, and says everything they want to hear. What he doesn’t say is that, by taking him back, they’re basically consenting to be abused. It’s proof he’s still in control, and he’s going to take full advantage of it.
Narcissists Train Victims to Accept Abuse
Narcissists know you’ll put up with abhorrent treatment because they trained you to accept it. When you give them another chance to torment you, it’s always worse than before. For a few days, things will be great, as you’re treated to a renewed love-bombing phase.
Then, you’ll be blindsided when the narcissist shows his cruel nature and begins the second devaluation phase. Your relationship deteriorates so you tell him to treat you better or you’ll leave. But narcissists don’t change. They do not magically transform into good and loving people. Although he says he loves you, what he’s really telling you is that he loves to use and abuse you.
Now, one of two things happen: he discards you again, or you leave. Either way, the narcissist will hoover you at some point, swearing he loves you. He won’t stop abusing you and will hoover you until you eventually give in. The only way to stop the cycle is by ending all contact with the narcissist.