Will A Narcissist Discard You But Not Leave?

Quora Answers: Narcissists

There are various different terms being used these days to describe certain behaviors by narcissists.

There’s “ghosting,” “discarding,” “hoovering,” “love-bombing,” etc.

These words have become commonplace, especially in the survivor communities.

But it occurred to me that people who are just discovering the realities of life with a narcissist may get a little confused as to their meanings.

I’ll try to explain what happens when a narcissist “discards” someone, but doesn’t leave.

A narcissist has a full arsenal of tactics to use in order to cause as much chaos, grief, and pain as possible for those closest to him.

If you suspect that your narcissist discarded you. But most of his personal items remain behind, your narcissist may be “ghosting” you.

What this means is that he has basically disappeared from the face of the earth.

And is completely incommunicado.

At least for you, anyway.

Most likely, he is off somewhere with another source of supply at this time.

This serves two purposes for a narcissist.

For one, he’s able to groom his next target, without any interference from you.

Secondly, he is teaching you to accept his unacceptable behavior.

At some point, the narc will return to you. With absolutely no explanation as to his whereabouts.

He will act as if he had never been gone.

And he’ll expect you to do the same.

A narcissist may also actively “ghost” you and still remain in the home.

You will be subjected to silent treatments that could last for any length of time.

Anywhere from hours to days.

Possibly weeks.

This is especially frustrating when you need to talk about everyday problems and issues.

And he acts as though you don’t even exist.

This is another way of teaching you to accept his bad behavior.

No matter what words you use to describe a narcissist’s bad behavior, this kind of treatment is always unacceptable.

The sooner you learn that it will always be this way.

And that if you remain entwined with a narcissist, you’ll never find peace or happiness, the better off you will be.

Nothing good ever comes from being in a relationship with a narcissist.

Originally Answered On Quora.

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  1. Don’t apologize!! You never know what I might say.

    I’m like you. I don’t express things very often either. I guess I learned to ignore my own feelings too long in my marriage. And now I have to re-learn how.

    My ex was such an ass, but I was willing to accept his flaws too. I had already gone through one divorce and didn’t want to go through another one.

    I stayed way too long, though. Lately I’m realizing just how badly I’m still damaged!!

  2. “When any sorrow turns to hate, that’s when you find a creative outlet.”

    I once heard that on a YouTube video. 🙂

    There’s only been two times I brought this woman to tears, with the first time I almost became an alcoholic because of the pain I caused her. I almost couldn’t handle my own guilt.

    That first time was when it was hard to accept that she couldn’t bear children. To any man, that is hard to accept, though I had said something bad to provoke her into tears.

    The second time was when I was told by her that she couldn’t experience sexual pleasure, anymore. We were saving sex for marriage, so I couldn’t have possibly known. She had learned this from a gynecologist.

    I was ready to accept every flaw from her, but that second time was when we were both in trauma from what was bound to happen. That is, our separation.

    I also said something bad, knowing it was the end, because my anger couldn’t be directed anywhere. It wasn’t her fault, that’s why.

    I apologize if I’m making it awkward by expressing so much. 🙂

    I just never get to speak about this…

  3. I had “discarded” my previous GF, because I couldn’t tolerate simply being “friends” when a moment ago, we were BF/GF. 2 years as lovers, and then… only 1 month as friends.

    And she was content with being friends.

    With me? When the immediate pain settled itself, it hardened into bitterness and anger. And… even though I could not direct it at her, what was most frustrating was that I could not direct it anywhere, except for the page, for poetry.

    I eventually left her, knowing full-well that she knew it was coming, seeing how angry I was, all the time.

    I was devoted to her, until the end when we became friends. It was a miserable experience, as friends, because I could only look at her like she was a doll. Lifeless and non-existent. Too painful.

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